To be married, and to promise to stay that way, is one giant feat. Let's not kid ourselves, there are some amazing things that come from marriage and family, but it's never without work. What we gain is wisdom and understanding that can only come from walking through hard stuff to emerge on the other side.
So much of the work this family has done, is a huge influence in my own life. When we walk closely with one another and share openly, we all benefit. Melissa is one of the few I trust with my decisions. She is able to hear me, feel what I'm thinking, and then reflect in such a loving way. We talked today about being really honest with each other when someone isn't acting in their best way. As a friend, do we tell them, or is this best left to the Holy Spirit? I can't say for sure, but I know I treasure each and every word of wisdom she shares with me.
I've eluded a bit to this well within me. When Tamarah and I started working together, about a year ago, there has been this constant vision I keep seeing. Me, but the lid is being removed. Like I am about to unleash but not in the scary way ~ because it's love that I've been holding back from past hurts and I'm almost brave enough. But I just need to let go.
Last night I wrote Melissa after her families session:
'I just want to say to people, let me love you! but that would be creepy'
to which she wrote
'it isn't creepy, people are just afraid to let others in.'
Why? why are we so afraid. I guess I've been afraid too, I'm a recovering fear-addict. In the sense that, it is the daily surrender that cures fear-addiction.
It's a legitimate struggle when you love so deeply for people and if/when you share it, it's too much. But I need to set that aside and continue to love freely. It just wells up inside me, even as I write this.
The love I have for this family is immense. The longings I have for their futures to be bright and blessed. I can see so much of the good that they carry. Their steadfast fight for connection, their passion in raising amazing boys, the ability to speak truth to things people often fear. They have an unmatched loyalty for their closest friends. They are a gift, friendships like these are worth the pursuit.
I will end by saying I am blessed to have a job that is also an outlet for Love's overwhelming emotion within me. It's a chance to pour myself into people with the goal of capturing every little ounce of love they share with each other.
Thank you to those who let me love them. Who let me release these feelings that God has so gently placed inside of me. And He says, just let go. And I try.