Today is my hubby (Scott) and my anniversary. We’ve been married 14 years, which truly is something to celebrate. In the past we’ve been quite ‘laissez faire’ about our anniversary, in fact one year we didn’t even remember until 9 pm that night! Not anymore, I am intentionally setting aside a day together to honour marriage. And not just our marriage, but the intention and idea behind it.
I have some deep beliefs about marriage. I believe that marriage is sacred, that when you unite with someone you become one, that this is a union to be honoured and fought for.
We keep seeing marriages crumble around us. Every time another one falls, we wonder why. We discuss it on our road trips, we analyze details about both our marriage and theirs. Did these couples really fight for each other? Did they passionately pour themselves into each other, and refuse to give up? I don’t know, and it’s really none of my business. What matters is fighting for my own marriage, and giving this example to my children. But I can only imagine the fear this could instill if one let it.
It doesn’t hurt that I adore my husband, that he is so easy to live with and fearlessly gives me the freedom I need. We have also faced serious struggles, but these are not left to fester and grow. Our struggles are brought into the light where they can be seen. There is no shame in this, nothing off limits to talk about, and we are both open to ‘working on’ the stuff that gets in the way. Because our struggles are NOT bigger than marriage.
Marriage is worth being vulnerable. So vulnerable is makes our hearts race and our knees week. So vulnerable is makes us cry and scream and feel frustrated. What is more worthy than our future and our kids future? I want to raise a generation that values marriage, that doesn't dispose of it, that values sex within marriage, that it is worth waiting for. I want to raise kids that feel that their spouse is a gift to them. Spouses that are often unworthy but ever so grateful. Not a generation of entitled marriages but selfless partners.
Each giving 100% so when the other isn't able to, they will stay standing because of sacrificial love.
I want to raise a generation of grace and forgiveness. we are broken and full of mistakes and we all need grace. Wherever we are at, whether we're divorced or married 50 years or yet to find the 'one', we can turn to those nearest us and extend grace to them for their imperfections. We will never be all that one person needs, it's impossible. Maybe all that we are can just be enough. Just for today, let it be enough.
It’s so hard to write this. I am torn between the truth of my heart, the why behind our lasting relationship when so many are falling. And then I simply don’t want to hurt anyone. I want to encourage, but I also want you to fight for your marriage. Don’t let another day pass without passionately reaching out and reassuring your partner why you chose them in the first place!
So I write this for me, he'll never go on a blog or read this. Because he doesn't need to. He doesn't need to do something unnatural to him to prove he loves me. Because he loves me and it’s just that simple.
As Scott often says ‘he just didn’t love her enough’. It’s his way of explaining why relationships fail. I love that he can state it so simply and yet so full of truth.
It's also pretty amazing to think that he loves me enough. It's so amazing to me to be loved like this.
I would say ‘I do’ a million times to this man. I choose to be happy in our marriage. I search out the good things. I ignore the little annoyances. I face the hard. We will walk through impossible with Jesus at the centre. We are learning to pray together, this is not comfortable for me but I have seen how God uses it when we do. We choose to live with the spirit of God in our union, and I know this is the reason we are strong. When we have to face the unknown we will never do it alone.
Love your spouse for who they are, not who you hoped they would be, and certainly not for what you hope they'll become. Just for who they are today.
Happy anniversary Scotty, even though you won't read this, I needed to write it for you.