motherhood and ballerinas

Something happened on the day of Pipers dance recital. I was taken back to my days as the little girl with the bun in my hair, and my mom on the other side slowly brushing. She was and is such a gentle mom. Not one to anger easily or become impatient. She plays easily with little ones and wears herself out living in the moment.

But on this day I was the mom, but I still felt like the little girl.

When I started having my babies I always knew I wanted a girl, at some point. God blessed with me with two amazing boys...It’s funny how everyone gets a little uncomfortable when you speak about wanting a boy or a girl. “As long as they’re healthy’ is a typical phrase you hear. I never totally understood this, to me it was obvious that I wanted healthy kids. But I still wanted a girl… at some point.  And, in case you’re concerned, I would never trade my boys or love them any less because they are boys.

I am a girly girl. I love all things girl. I bask in my femininity. And for this reason, it was monumental for me to watch my little lady take the stage.

It felt like I was somewhere I never thought I’d be. Because I never thought I’d have a daughter, let alone have her look like a mini-me, even if only for one day. And if she never takes the stage again, I am fine. My kids are not responsible for my happiness, and my expectation is simply that they will follow their hearts. I am proud of them, but they do not provide my happiness. This is a job for Jesus alone. For this reason, it seemed like I could find even more joy in her movement, her little bun, her pink ‘head to toe-ness'.

It was a day that created a shift in me. I still don’t have full clarity on this. But something shifted. There was a peace about getting somewhere you never thought you’d get. I suppose it feels like God blessed me in a way above and beyond. He knows my heart so well, and He cares so much about the small tiny minute details. And I think this is what amazes me. My little girl dancing ballet seems so small. Almost every mom in town can tell the same story. But for me, its was extraordinary. It was monumental. It truly shifted my heart. I feel like I could stand firm on God’s blessings forever, no matter how big or small.

He cares for me. He cares for all of us. And He cares about ALL our hearts desires.