my love story

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I had a friend in my life, and without meaning to, she taught me that God didn’t love me. I’ve believed in God my entire life, prayed since I was teeny, and never ever gave up on Him. And He never gave up on me. So when she told me this, that God didn’t love me, it broke me into many pieces. I also knew in my heart that I was going to come thru this stronger and that God was pulling me through. 

Now, God has always loved me. But I didn’t know how to feel His love again. I prayed and asked Him for over 8 years to feel His love again. I know it was eight years because this message was passed onto me shortly after giving birth to my first child. For anyone who’s had a baby, this is a very vulnerable time. Since you’re not sleeping, your mind is mushy and more susceptible to lies. That is exactly what my friend told me, a lie. I knew this but couldn’t seem to get to the other side. I wouldn’t let God in. I knew my role in this, but couldn’t shake it. 

The important thing to note is that my faith in God never faltered. And He played a huge role in my life. He led people to me, and used me to help them and love them. The reason I mention this is to not be discouraged if you ever feel this way. He understands, through Jesus, what you and I feel. Even in our confusion, and asking Him the hard questions, and doubting Him. 

I doubted that I would ever feel His love again. I doubted I was worthy.

So let’s just fast forward a bit. If you know me, you know I let people in. And I am quite vulnerable, and probably don’t protect myself as much as I should. But I knew God would protect me so I didn’t concern myself with this. And I am so glad I let people in. Because I let my Meraki + Light partner Tamarah in. I’ve known her for a number of years, and knew she believed in my Heavenly Father as well. So, when she asked me to mentor her as a photographer, I knew it would be her mentoring me in the ways of the Lord.

 

From our first meeting, she was so clear on how much God loves me. She brought me a note, I’ll share a bit from it:

‘You carry life, and your share it, and give it. You honour others well and see the best in them. You are like a bridge, in that you help others across the things that are in their way. Again, it’s effortless, because you carry life. There is a hope, a “lightness” about you. You are also a seeker of truth and love. I feel like Abba is wanting to you to know that He is proud of you! ‘

How do I respond? tears… hope… joy… love. And really this cracked open my heart that had been shut off. Tamarah prayed and asked the Holy Spirit about me?? I am so unworthy. But then I thought about it, and said all those kind words about my own kids. And I know that He loves me infinitely more than I love my own kids. So it could be true, I could maybe be something good in His eyes? 

This was the beginning of healing my heart. And it’s still a process, a reminding myself daily. And prayer, much prayer, constant prayer. 

So what one friend took away, one friend has restored. Through Jesus. She is a vessel for Him, and He just adores the way she loves Him, and honours Him so completely. Tamarah is love, she is like an overflowing vessel of love for those around her. She spills, and it blesses us. 

Thank you Jesus.